


Open Your Heart

by taitofan



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 22:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 18,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taitofan/pseuds/taitofan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>26 drabbles about the relationship between Lea and Isa (and sometimes Axel and Saix).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Angry

It had been a long time since Isa finally got his heart, mind, and body back.

At least, long enough that Lea thought maybe it was time for him to stop moping.

“Come on,” Lea insisted, standing in the doorway of Isa’s room in their little shared house, “you can’t hide in here forever.  I think the sun misses seeing you.”

”Very funny.”  Isa’s tone made it clear that he didn’t think it was funny in the slightest, but Lea paid him no mind.

In the four months since Isa was freed from being a vessel, he’d barely left the safety of the small house they’d been provided.  It worried Lea; Isa had never been a social butterfly, but now he was too…  Well, Lea wasn’t even sure what he was.  Depressed?  Afraid?  A little of both?  Regardless, he didn’t want Isa to be any of those things.  He wanted him to be happy and to stop blaming himself for things beyond his control.  But every time he told Isa ‘ _It’s not your fault_ ,’ he was met with silence.

“Well, I try my hardest you know.  Someone around here needs to have a sense of humor.”  Isa didn’t reply to that.  He didn’t even move.  He just lay on his bed and starred at the ceiling.  Well, that certainly wasn’t going to help matters, but Lea was running out of ideas.  How could he help his best friend get out of his funk…?

He thought about all that he’d tried and how spectacularly they’d failed, before a silly idea popped into his mind.  He supposed it couldn’t hurt though…

“Come on, get up and let’s go get sea-salt ice cream.  We haven’t done that in years!”  They’d worshipped that ice cream as kids, and even as Axel, Lea never stopped craving it.  But Saix never gone with him to get any, too busy working on their plans to leave for something as trivial as that.  Surely that could make him—

“No.  You were too busy ignoring our plans and being _friends_ with Roxas and Xion to do anything like that with _me_.”  He spat out the word ‘friends’ as if it left a bad taste in his mouth, and Lea was momentarily stunned.  This was the most emotion he’d shown since his initial breakdown when he was freed…  And Lea didn’t particularly like it.

“Excuse me?  You wouldn’t have gone with me anyway, so—”

“How do you know?” Isa demanded, sitting up and glaring at Lea.  His eyes were green again, but they held as much contempt as Saix’s golden gaze ever had.  “You never bothered to ask me.  I never once stopped working towards our goal, even when you started to ignore me in favor of those children.  So don’t you dare say I wouldn’t have.  I—”

He cut himself off and shook his head in frustration.  Lea still didn’t know what to say, and he was too angry to trust himself to say much even if he did.  He knew there was a lot Isa hadn’t told him, and keeping it in wasn’t helping matters.

…But wasn’t that what got them into trouble in the first place?  They stopped communicating and started keeping secrets.  They both claimed that the other had changed, and maybe they had, but there was no reason their friendship had to as well.  If only…

Well, Axel had lost Saix.  Lea wasn’t going to lose Isa, no matter what.

“All right, if you want to bring up the past, fine.  Here’s how I see it.  You were focused on finding out Xemnas’s plan and stopping him, then taking over so we could get our hearts back.  You were willing to sacrifice anyone to do it.”

“Not everyone.” He turned his gaze to his clenched hands.  “Not _you_.”

“Fine,” Lea relented, unable to doubt that even with as upset as Isa was making him.  “Everyone but me.  I was the only one you cared about, right?  Even with our hearts gone, you still remembered how being friends felt.  And our hearts started coming back without us knowing it and I was friends with Roxas and Xion, and you were getting possessed or whatever so you didn’t understand it…”

“No.  That’s…  That’s not it.”  Lea scoffed.  How very like Isa, to insist things but not offer any elaboration.  He’d been like that before too, always seeming like he wanted to tell him something, but never going through with it.  Lea had no intentions of letting that happen now though.

“Oh?  You gonna tell me what the truth is then?  Come on Isa, secrets got us into this mess to begin with!”  Isa’s hands relaxed, but he still didn’t face Lea.  Lea wished he knew what his problem was.

“…I could feel my heart returning as well, though I thought it impossible due to the influence taking over.  When I was in control, I…  I was jealous.  _I_ was your friend.  I was the only one who knew Lea, not just Axel.  And you began to push me away, and it made me angry.  My… emotions were greater than someone with no heart should have felt.  I knew that, but I ignored it.  I was wrong.”  The anger was out of his voice, and Lea felt his drain away as well.  How very strange, he thought, that they went through so many similar experiences, and yet Lea was just now learning these things.

He felt guilt well up in his chest.  It wasn’t solely Isa’s fault that things had ended as badly as they had.  Lea hadn’t wanted to bring it up, thinking it would do nothing but make Isa feel worse, but…

“I was jealous too you know.”  Isa finally glanced up, a look on confusion in his eyes.  “Yeah, I know, what did I have to be jealous about, right?  Well, ha, you’re gonna think this is stupid, and it probably was, but…  It was Xemnas.”

“Xemnas,” Isa repeated, his tone not hiding his incredulity in the slightest.

“Hey, I said I know it’s dumb now, didn’t I?  I knew that you getting close to earn his trust was part of the plan, but sometimes I saw you with him and thought…”  Oh, the things he’d thought.  The terrible, horrible things he’d imagined Saix was doing behind closed doors.  “…I thought you were going to extreme lengths to get him to trust you.”

There was an awkward silence.  They starred at each other for several long moments, until Isa’s eyes narrowed.

“You thought I was having sex with him.”  It wasn’t a question, but Lea nodded anyway.  “And that made you… jealous.”

“Ah, well…  Yeah, it did.”  This wasn’t how Lea wanted Isa to find out how he felt about him, in the past and at this very moment even, but it was too late to turn back now.  “I never got to tell you I loved you before we lost our hearts.  Of course I was jealous.”

Lea didn’t know how Isa would react.  Certainly he wouldn’t hate him, but indifference or pretending he hadn’t heard it were decent possibilities.  Therefore, when Isa was off the bed and throwing his arms around Lea’s shoulders moments after the words left his mouth, he was understandably surprised.

“Lea…  You’re an idiot.”  Lea tentatively wrapped his arms around Isa’s waist, humming in satisfaction when Isa leaned into him.

“Yeah, I can be.  Why this time though?”

“I’ve been in love with you since I was old enough to know what the word meant.  You were all I had, and yet you had so many other friends…  I was jealous of all of them.  And now you’re telling me you’ve felt the same way and we’ve wasted all of this time…  You’re supposed to be the impetuous one.  You should have told me when we had our hearts the first time.”

Lea chucked and ran a hand in gentle circles around Isa’s back.  This wasn’t how he thought things would go when he suggested ice cream…  No, they’d turned out much better.

“Sorry, but you know me.  Gotta keep you guessing.”  He pulled away just enough to bring their faces together.  Their lips were almost touching when he paused.  “I love you Isa.  Never forget that.”

“I’ve already got it memorized.”  Lea would have laughed if Isa hadn’t already closed the gap and was kissing him soundly.  Lea wasted no time in returning it with equal vigor.  He’d, no, _they’d_ waited a long time for this.

When they parted, Isa was softly panting and Lea grinned.

“Hey…  Wanna get ice cream now?”

And Isa just laughed and kissed Lea again, before finally allowing himself to be dragged outside.

After all, they had the rest of their lives to make up for lost time.  Why not start with some ice cream?


	2. Blue

“Okay…  What’s your favorite color?  Mine is, um, yellow!”  It was a silly game they were playing as they ate sea-salt ice cream together, but Axel didn’t care.  It wasn’t like anyone present would judge him, and Roxas and Xion thought this was great fun, so what was the problem?  They were innocent enough questions after all—the two kids didn’t know any better to ask or answer anything risqué.  Xion’s question about colors was a good example.

“Red,” Roxas answered after a moment of deliberation, and Axel didn’t have to think at all when they both turned to him for their answer.

“Blue.”

He’d always loved blue—it was the color of Isa’s hair after all, which he’d always loved.  Green, the color of Isa’s eyes, was good too.  However, since Saix’s eyes were golden but his hair was still a shade of blue, he just had to go with blue in the end.

“Axel, you love this ice cream a little too much I think…”  Xion giggled at Roxas’s quip, while Axel just rolled his eyes.  If only they knew…  Though he doubted either of them would ever believe him even if he told the truth.  After all, who would ever suspect that he and Saix of all nobodies would have the closest thing to a relationship that people like them could?  But if they wanted to think he meant sea-salt ice cream, he certainly wasn’t going to dissuade them.

Roxas was next in line to ask a question.  He glanced over to Xion, who gave a little nod.  Roxas’s face showed determination at her gesture, and Axel uneasiness fall over him.  Somehow, he just knew that they were scheming something that he wasn’t going to like…

“Have you ever kissed someone?”  He asked it so quickly that it took Axel a moment to process the question.  Once he did, he was torn between being incredulous and amused.  He settled for a little of both.

“Hey now, where’s this coming from?  Have you two been kissing while I’m not around or something?”  They made identical looks of childish disgust before shaking their heads vehemently.

“No, but, you know…”  Xion paused and giggled softly.  “You’re an adult.  You must have kissed someone before, right?  At least before you lost your heart…”  They gave him looks that Axel couldn’t quite place, and he wasn’t sure that he even wanted to.

“I don’t know where the sudden interest in my personal life came from, but…  Yeah, of course I’ve kissed before.”  Lots of times.  With the same guy, over and over.  And he had no plans to kiss anyone else but _him_.  He didn’t elaborate for them though, even when they continued to stare at him intently.  He merely ate his ice cream, ignoring them, waiting for the inevitable…

“Who?”

They honestly never ceased to amuse him.

“Hmm, I’m not sure a couple of kids who think the thought of kissing each other is gross need to know such adult matters.”  And he had no intention of telling them.  Ever.  Their sad puppy dog expressions weren’t going to work this time.  But still…  He supposed that a little clue couldn’t hurt.  “Let’s just say my favorite color has something to do with it and leave it at that, okay?”

They protested, but he didn’t budge.  They wouldn’t understand…  Not to mention Saix would _kill_ him, and that was a good enough deterrent to keep his mouth shut.

\---

“Maybe it’s Larxene.  Her eyes are blue.”

“Could be…  Or maybe it’s Demyx.  His are too.”

“You really think Axel kisses other guys?”

“Well, maybe…”

“Then it could be lots of people.  Like, both Zexion and Saix have blue hair.”

“Saix?  Come on Xion, don’t be crazy.  They hate each other!”

Axel once again found himself rolling his eyes at Roxas and Xion’s antics.  It had been two days, and while they had finally stopped bugging him, they instead started a guessing game on who it could be if it was someone in the organization.  It was a little exasperating, but still pretty funny.

“Why is he speaking of me to the puppet?”  Saix popping up out of nowhere was so common that Axel didn’t even flinch.

“First off, Xion _isn’t_ a puppet.  Second…  Eh, don’t worry about them.  They’re trying to figure out who I’ve kissed for some weird reason.  And they’re positive it _wasn’t_ you.”  Saix raised an eyebrow, the smallest hint of amusement in his golden eyes.

“Is that so?  Odd that they are so preoccupied with such nonsense in the first place.”  Axel shrugged; he remembered being a kid and all the strange things he and Isa did.  And even if he and Saix weren’t always seeing eye to eye those days, he knew Saix hadn’t completely forgotten about their past.

“Kids, who knows?  But, you know…  They _did_ give me a good idea.”

“And what would that be?”

Axel grinned wickedly.

Before Saix fully knew what was happening, Axel had him pinned to the wall and was kissing him soundly.  Before Saix could complain about being caught, Axel pulled away quickly and opened a portal to his room.  Saix sighed deeply, but followed along without a word regardless.  He never _could_ say no to Axel…

Axel took full advantage of that for the next few hours.


	3. Complete

They didn’t have hearts.

They didn’t have real emotions, only the memories of how they once felt.

They were incomplete.

…Or so they were told.

Saix didn’t trust Xemnas.  He never had, and so long as he was in his right mind, he never would.  He trusted himself and Axel, and that was it.  And ever since Roxas and Xion had come into the picture, he felt himself believing Xemnas’s words less and less.  Axel certainly didn’t seem to be faking the happiness he displayed with his new “friends” and as for Saix…

Well, he couldn’t even begin to believe that this seething jealousy was just a memory.  True, he’d been jealous of Ventus when they were teenagers—when they were still Lea and Isa—but it hadn’t been to this extent.  Lea still considered Isa his best friend; Axel seemed to distrust and dismiss Saix as the days went on.

“You’ve changed,” Axel would say, then run back to that child and the puppet.  How infuriating it made him that Axel couldn’t see that he had changed too.  Lea would have had more faith in him.  He would have trusted him when Saix said that everything he did was for his and Axel’s sake.  Unfortunately, that obviously wasn’t the case anymore.

Perhaps the most frustrating part, however, was that Saix knew that he _was_ changing, but he didn’t know the cause.  Sometimes it felt as if someone was in his mind, trying to push him out and take over.  He couldn’t blame the moon either—it simply couldn’t explain why his eyes had turned golden, or why his hair had dulled so much since he first lost his heart.  And as time went on, he was feeling this way more often…

But every time he decided to tell Axel, his friend—he refused to say former friend, even if Axel seemed to do just that with him lately—would end up storming off before he could bring it up.  Or he’d leave before he could say it because Axel would push him too far, and if he lost control…

No.  He couldn’t lose control around Axel.  _He couldn’t lose Axel_.  He needed Axel to feel sane, to feel… complete.

Xemnas could say whatever he wanted, but Saix knew how he felt about Axel.  Just memories or not, Axel _was_ Saix’s heart, and he wouldn’t stop until Axel could feel that way about him again too.


	4. Dark

“I told you that wouldn’t work.”  Lea shrugged far too casually for Isa’s tastes.  It would have driven him insane if he weren’t so used to it.

“You always say that, and one of these times you’ll be wrong.  Just because you were right this time is no reason to get all cocky!”  It was too late and Isa was too tired to argue with his friend’s ridiculous claims.  He didn’t know why Lea wouldn’t just give up; they were never getting into the castle.  Isa didn’t even particularly want to go in the first place.  But _Lea_ wanted to, and Isa wanted whatever Lea wanted.

“You’re lucky I don’t keep track of how many times I’ve been right.”  Lea chuckled, a sound that Isa always found pleasing, no matter how bad his mood was.  He smiled despite himself.  “I suppose you already have a new plan to be wrong about?”

“Nah, not this time.  I figured we should take a break before we make Dilan throw his back out with all the times he has to toss us out.”  Isa didn’t think the castle guards minded too much—it certainly gave them something to do—but there was no way he was going to encourage Lea.  Taking a break from their castle shenanigans sounded like a wonderful plan.  However…

“What do you plan on doing then?”

Lea stopped abruptly, causing Isa to follow suit.  It was dark—there were a few lights along the street, but they were dim, and the moon was hazed over by clouds.  Still, Isa had no problem seeing Lea’s bright eyes shining at him, full of happiness and a bit of mischief.  Typical Lea, and yet, something about the atmosphere was Lea looked at him felt different…

“Well, I thought we could get ice cream tomorrow.”  Also very typical.  And seeing as it was the middle of summer, not a bad idea.  “Then we can do something together after that…  And we could go somewhere for dinner at night.”

…Not quite as typical, but not _too_ odd.  They were best friends after all; they spent lots of time together, and eating was very common for two teenage boys.

“All right.  Anything else going on in that tiny brain of yours?”  Lea didn’t respond to his teasing, which was the first thing that really set off the flags in Isa’s mind.  Then he reached out and grabbed Isa’s hands, and he suddenly had a good idea what Lea had been going for with the dinner invitation.

“As a date _,_ Isa.  I wanna go on a _date_ with you.  A real one.  I’ll even buy you flowers or something lame like that if you want.  Just, ah…” Lea let go of his hands and sighed.  “ _Damn_.  This is harder than I thought.”

It wasn’t as if Isa hadn’t thought about Lea in a more-than-platonic manner before.  Quite the contrary—he thought about Lea like that _a lot_.  More than he probably should, except now it seemed that Lea felt the same…  And he was quickly looking more and more disappointed, and Isa simply couldn’t stand to see Lea upset.

He reached out and grabbed Lea’s hands, this time threading their fingers together.  Lea looked at him with such a hopeful expression that it made Isa’s heart ache.  How could one person be so… _amazing_?

“…No flowers.”

Lea blinked slowly, then starred at him curiously.

“Was that a yes?”  Isa shook his head, but his smile told it all.

“Of course it’s a yes, you idiot.  Just don’t you dare bring me flowers.  You can pay for my ice cream like a good boyfriend instead.”

“Whoa now, I’m your boyfriend all of a sudden?  When did we decide this?”  Lea’s tone was teasing, and Isa couldn’t help but laugh, which only made Lea smile wider.

“I’ve decided it just now, so don’t complain.”  He let go of Lea’s hands to instead wrap his arms around his friend’s neck.  He hummed in satisfaction when Lea immediately moved his own hands to Isa’s hips.  “Now start doing your boyfriend duties and kiss me.”

Lea didn’t need to be told twice.


	5. Echo

Sometimes the words echo in Saix’s mind.

_“I love you, Isa.”_

He hates it.

However, he can’t exactly blame Axel for not saying it now, because wouldn’t it just be a charade when they don’t have hearts?  But he wishes that it was like when they first joined the organization—maybe it was only pretend, but it had been comforting.

Now Axel never comes to see him, and when they meet, he’s dismissive and tells him to leave.  No, it’s all Roxas and that damn puppet, and Saix wonders if you really need a heart to hate, because he’s pretty sure he has nothing in his body for contempt for the annoying brats.  Not Axel though.  He wants to hate Axel.  He wants to forget the past when Isa and Lea were best friends and young lovers and had bright futures together.

But his memories are too deep, too dear to let go.

_“I love you too Lea.  I always will.”_

And he hadn’t been lying.  Even without a heart, that little bit of Isa that lives on in his memories still loves Lea.  And Saix swears that he won’t stop trying to figure out Xemnas’s ulterior motives and get their hearts back, because more than anything, Saix wants to see Lea again and have him say those three words that are so very precious to him.

\---

It’s been a long time since Xehanort was defeated and Isa found himself free of his influence.  He has his heart and it is his own again.

And he wonders why Lea is acting so… _casual_ about everything.

He acts as if Isa is made of glass, trying his best not to bring up the past, despite everything they need to work through.  Isa knows their relationship has no hope of going back to how it had once been if they don’t.  Worst of all, Lea has yet to say he loves him.

Part of Isa wonders if he even does anymore.

He tries not to fall into despair, slowly coaxing Lea into discussions of their lives as Nobodies.  It can be painful, and sometimes they end up angry and yelling and it _hurts_ , but it’s slowly healing them, so Isa keeps it up.  They talk about Roxas and Xion and the loss and gain of their hearts and the jealousy and mistrust, and one day Lea insinuates that Saix might have been involved with Xemnas, and Isa can’t help it anymore.

“You’re the only one I’ve ever loved.  Even without hearts, I was completely faithful to you.  I hated Xemnas; I would _never_ would have done that.  Is it really so hard to accept that I was acting for our own sakes?”

Lea is oddly quiet and Isa can only assume the worst of Axel and Roxas.  Finally, Lea sighs and shakes his head.

“…I’m sorry.  I know I screwed up too.  But honestly, stop looking like that.  Sure, I might have considered giving into Roxas’s little infatuation, but I _didn’t_.  I couldn’t.  I didn’t even know why, but I still loved you as much as I could back then.”  He pauses and gives Isa a small smile.  “…Isa, I’m always gonna love you.  I hope you know that.”

Isa feels his throat tighten and tears well up in his eyes, and he buries himself in Lea’s arms, whispering that he loves Lea too, over and over.  Lea holds him tight and murmurs it back, and they stay that way until they fall asleep in the early hours of the morning.

They wake up well in the late afternoon, uncomfortable from sleeping on the floor, but considerably happier.  Isa has no doubts anymore about how Lea feels, or that they will be okay.  They will heal, and Isa knows he’ll help Lea just as much as Lea will help him.

Lea will always be his heart.

And Isa will always be Lea’s.


	6. Fear

Axel has always questioned whether one really needed a heart to feel emotions.  Every day he saw his fellow members displaying what _looked_ like emotions, but he knew how easy it was to act that way just for some comfort.  He guessed the explanation that they were just memories made some sense, but what about all these thing he’d never really felt before he lost his heart?  As Lea, he’d never had a reason to feel jealous.  Isa hadn’t had many friends, and he wasn’t worried that someone would snatch him away.

But now he felt this irrational fear that he’d lost Saix.  That he no longer had the trust and love—or whatever passed as love for a Nobody—of the most important person in his life.  Saix was adamant that he was the same as he’d been all along, but Axel knew better.  He was colder and crueler than ever, using any ruthless method to get what he wanted.  Sure, he wanted their hearts back, but not like this.  Isa never would have done that.  Though he supposed that Lea never would have gone along with it in the first place.

So maybe they’d both changed, sure.  It was to be expected.  And it would have been fine if Axel didn’t have proof that Nobodies didn’t have to act that way.  Roxas and Xion were good kids.  He hated having to use them, hated that Saix treated them like garbage and was willing to throw them out at any moment.

Axel couldn’t hate Saix though, and that only made him more frustrated.  His lover wasn’t the same, not just from when they had their hearts, but even from when they’d first joined the organization.  His hair was lighter, his eyes golden instead of that shade of green he’s loved so very much.  Ever since he’d gotten that scar, something had begun to change him, and Axel wished he knew why.

It scared him to think how much further Saix would take his plans.  Because honestly, Axel wasn’t sure how much longer he could follow them.  He wanted to be Lea again, and he wanted to have Isa back…  But not like this. He might not have a heart, but he had something that passed for a conscience, and all the things he’d done while under Organization XIII weren’t who he was.  They weren’t who Saix was either, he was sure of it.

He wouldn’t completely give up on Saix though—he wasn’t sure that was even possible.  Somehow, he’d get their hearts back.  One day they could love each other again, without all of this baggage getting in the way…  Lea would get his Isa back if it was the last thing he did.

Even if he had to defy Saix to do it.


	7. Goodbye

Isa had a problem.  A loud, obnoxious sixteen-year-old problem that had a death grip on his waist.

“Lea, honestly.  It’s just two days.”  That was how long he had to go out of town with his parents.  A mere two days.  And yet Lea was carrying on like they would see each other for years.  …Secretly, he thought it was a little sweet, but he could hardly encourage Lea’s foolishness by telling him that.

“Yeah, two days too many,” he whined, squeezing Isa from behind even more.  “What am gonna do for two days without you?”  He knew that Lea could find plenty to do.  They were hardly co-dependent upon each other.  Though Isa had to admit that he couldn’t actually remember the last time he’d gone an entire day without seeing Lea for at least a _little_ while…

“I’m sure Myde or Relena would do something with you.  You might even convince Lumaria to look the other way and sneak into the castle through the gardens.”  Those three were all Lea’s friends, but not exactly his own.  Sure, he went to school with them and constantly had to hear Lea whine about how unfair it was that Lumaria got to work as an apprentice groundskeeper at the castle, but he really didn’t _know_ them.

He didn’t have friends who weren’t Lea, not really.  Lea had plenty of friends though, even if Isa knew he was Lea’s oldest and closest companion.  That didn’t explain why Lea was so adamant that he try to get out of leaving though.

 “It’s not the same,” he insisted with a sigh.  “I want to finally get in there with _you_ , not alone or with someone else.  If you really have to leave, I’ll just have to put that plan on hold.  But yeah, I _guess_ I could hang out with one of them…”

He sounded so sullen, and it vexed Isa to no end.  Lea would often mention taking up Myde’s offer to teach him to play the sitar, and he’d wanted Relena to teach him how to use her throwing knives for years.  Why wasn’t he thinking of these things now?  It wasn’t as if Isa cared about doing those things, so it was the perfect opportunity!

“You _guess_?  Lea, there’s plenty of things you can do with them while I’m gone.  You’ll hardly be bored.”

Lea didn’t respond right away.  His grip loosened, but he didn’t pull back.  It was more like a normal hug now, and Isa had to fight the urge to twist around to face his friend.  But he thought it would be awkward to have their faces so close, and Isa knew he was already rather flushed at this point…

“You don’t understand…  I don’t care about being bored.  I care about how much I’ll _miss_ you.  Isa, I…”  He felt Lea’s head gently nuzzle his own, and he couldn’t take anymore of this game.  He turned around in Lea’s embrace, glad to see his friend’s face was as flushed as his own felt.

“Are you about to say that you love me?”  Lea winced and hesitantly nodded, and Isa might have laughed if his heart weren’t beating so wildly.  “Good.  I return the sentiment.”

Neither could tell who moved first, and once their lips were connected, neither particularly cared.

\---

Isa stood outside Lea’s house, having come to say goodbye before he left.  They’d agreed to meet later, but his parents decided to leave sooner, and there was no way he was going without telling his best friend—and boyfriend of less than a day—no matter what.

“I’m gonna miss you.”  Lea was completely sincere, and Isa more than ever wanted to just hide under Lea’s bed and just not go…  But he knew he couldn’t.  If he tried that now, his parents would know exactly where to look for him, and he didn’t need to give them anymore reasons to think he and Lea shouldn’t be friends.

“So will I.  But I’ll be back soon, and we’ll spend all day together.”  Lea smiled, though after a moment it morphed into a smirk.

“And all night too?”  Isa felt his cheeks heat up, but he just shrugged, trying to keep his cool.

“Perhaps.  If you’ve behaved yourself in my absence.”  Lea had already mentioned he was going to ask Relena for a duel, so Isa knew he’d come back to find out Lea had done something stupid.  That was okay.  He wouldn’t be Lea if he didn’t do stupid things sometimes.

“Of course, like I’d ever do anything else!”  Isa gave him an unimpressed look, which Lea quickly wiped away by darting in and kissing him.  Isa hoped Lea didn’t think he could start winning arguments by doing that…

Because he probably could.  But then again, Isa was sure it would work for him just as well.

“I need to go,” Isa murmured between kisses, though he wasn’t in much of a rush to leave.  Lea wasn’t in a hurry to let him go either.  So they kissed for a few minutes, hungrily and with urgency, knowing that this new facet of their relationship would have to be put on hold until Isa’s return, and neither of them wanting to wait that long.

Finally, Isa pulled away, knowing he had to leave before he was collected and caught.  He hated to think what his parents would do if they found out.  At least he had nothing to worry about from Lea’s parents, but still…  He longed for the day it could be just him and Lea, adults and doing what they wanted, with no one to tell them they shouldn’t be together, whether as friends or more.

But he was getting ahead of himself.  First, he had to run home and go on a trip, then come back and kiss his boyfriend senseless.  No need to rush the rest of their lives.

“Goodbye,” Lea finally relented, giving him one last small kiss before stepping back.  “Try to call me, okay?  Like, wear something sexy and we can—”

“ _Goodbye Lea_.”  Lea laughed, and Isa found himself smiling at the sight and sound that was purely Lea.  He loved it—he loved _Lea_.  “I’ll do my best to call.  See you soon.”

It wouldn’t be soon enough for either of them, but as Isa grudgingly walked away, he couldn’t help but think maybe this was for the best…

After all, if they missed each other before he’d even left, he could imagine he’d be taking up Lea on his nighttime offer without any hesitation.


	8. Hold

 “You want to… hold me.  That’s it.  Just lie in bed and hold me.”

He’d known this was a stupid request.  He knew that no matter how close they’d been before they lost their hearts, he’d be turned down and laughed at.  But he’d thought that maybe, just maybe, if they could emulate some of their old romance, things would start to get better between them.  He knew it was foolish, but he’d had to try.

“Never mind.  I’ll take my leave…”  Saix spun on his heel, refusing to just teleport out like a coward.  He barely got to take a step when Axel reached out and grabbed one of his arms.  Saix stopped, but he didn’t turn around.  He didn’t want to see Axel anymore.  It only hurt, and being turned down only amplified the emptiness in his chest.

“Hey, come on.  Don’t be like that.  I didn’t say no, did I?”  Saix supposed he hadn’t.  He hadn’t said yes either though.  So very typical of Axel.

“Will you allow this or won’t you?”  He heard Axel chuckle, and before he knew it, the redhead’s arms were encircling him and a familiar pull overtook him.  Moments later, they were inside Axel’s room.

“If this is what you want, I guess I can’t say no.”  Axel began to unzip his coat, and Saix found himself following suit without really thinking about it.  They were soon left in the little clothing they wore under their coats—Saix on had his undergarments, and Axel—

“…You’re naked.”  Axel snorted, a smirk on his face, when he noticed where Saix’s eyes were.

“It’s hot in this place, what can I say?  Besides, it’s not like you’re wearing much yourself.”  True enough, but still…  He tore his gaze away and did his best to ignore the way Axel was looking at him.  So very… predatory.

“Are you planning on putting anything else on?”  Because if he didn’t, Saix’s plans were going to get very complicated, very quickly.

It had been a long time since he’d had sex—Lea had been the only person Isa had been with, and Saix in turn had only slept with Axel, and even that had been when they’d very first lost their hearts.  It hadn’t been the same; that gentle compassion they’d once shared wasn’t possible anymore.  Saix had found himself wanting to bite and scratch and dominate the redhead…  So he’d stopped.  Axel hadn’t asked him about it, so sex just fell out of the routine.

“Let me think about it…”  Axel very obviously pretended he was thinking, though the glint in his eyes told Saix his answer.  “Nope!  I think I’m gonna stay right like this.  In fact, I’d say _you’re_ overdressed!”

Saix didn’t stop Axel when he stepped closer and kneeled down, nor when he yanked down his lone garment, leaving him just as naked as Axel was.  He allowed Axel to lean in and nuzzle his cheek teasingly against his thigh.  Axel smirked up at him, deliberately not touching where Saix wanted him to.

“You wanna take this to the bed and _hold me_ , or what?”  Axel was picked up and tossed unceremoniously to the bed.  Moments later,  Saix was soon on top of him, pressing their bodies together, his eyes flashing with a desire he was constantly told he shouldn’t have.

“I’m going to fuck you first.”  Axel laughed, which melted away into a moan when Saix bit his neck.

“ _Shit_ , Saix.  That’s fine with me.  Do whatever you want, just don’t stop!”

Several hours later, Saix found that he hadn’t needed to worry about being too rough with Axel.  At all.  They were covered in bites and scratches, and Saix knew they would both have several bruises, but it had been completely worth it.

And best of all, Axel hadn’t kicked him out after they were spent, instead allowing Saix to do what he’d come there for.  Saix didn’t know if this rendezvous would help them in the long run, but he didn’t regret it.

For now, holding Axel and pretending that they still had their hearts to love one another was enough.


	9. Ice

This was a dilemma of immense proportions.

Or, at least, that was what Lea thought.  Isa didn’t think it was a very big deal actually.  It was just sea-salt ice cream, and if there was only one bar left, that was fine.  Lea could have it, and he’d be fine with a different flavor.  Sure, he liked the strange blue dessert, but Lea _loved_ it.  And since he loved Lea more than ice cream, he hardly cared if he got a more conventional flavor for once.

Lea, however, obviously couldn’t comprehend that line of thought, and he pulled Isa away when they were informed there was only one left.  He looked Isa right in the eyes and told him dead seriously:

“If you let me have it, I’ll do anything you want.”

Anything was a very broad word, but Lea was perfectly serious.  And having him do anything Isa wished was indeed very tempting.  So even though Isa really didn’t care about the ice cream…  Well, he couldn’t really turn down this opportunity.

“Well, I suppose that’s fine.  It’s a deal.  You’re buying me mint chocolate though.”

Lea’s eyes lit up and he agreed that it was a deal before running off to buy their ice cream.  Isa shook his head and followed at a more leisurely pace.  His day had certainly just gotten more interesting…

They walked around as they ate their ice cream, Lea making what were, quite frankly, indecent sounds of pleasure.  Isa tried to fight the blush that threatened his face.  He lost.

“Lea…  When you said you’d do anything, you _did_ mean it, correct?”  Lea didn’t even bother to stop eating as he mumbled a yes.  “…And when are you willing to do it?”

“Whenever,” he replied with a shrug.  Then he looked at his hand and laughed.  “Well, anytime after we’re done eating is probably better.”

Fair enough, Isa thought.  He needed to work up the nerve to say what he wanted anyway.  Because while he didn’t doubt Lea would do what was asked of him, if he didn’t feel the same way about it…  Isa hoped there was nothing that could break their friendship, but learning your best friend was in love with you might be it.

It wasn’t much longer before they had both finished, and when Lea turned to him, a smile on his face, Isa knew he wasn’t ready for this.

“Okay, so what do you want?”

No, he couldn’t say it.  He couldn’t risk their friendship.  He couldn’t lose Lea!

“ _I want you to kiss me_.”

He blurted it out without thinking, which was so unlike him that he was worried for himself.  How could Lea always do this to him, make him act so ridiculous?  Why did he have to love Lea so much?

…And why was Lea _actually kissing him_?

It was short and chaste, but when Lea pulled away, Isa still found it hard to breathe.

“Hey, yanno, if you wanted me to kiss you, you could have just said something.  You didn’t have to waste your amazing free pass to make me do something embarrassing for that.”  He was smiling and the sun was hitting him just right, and oh, Isa knew his face was bright red, and did this mean what he thought it meant…?  “Isa, calm down, would you?  I like you too; it’s not some big deal!”

“Excuse me?”  Lea chuckled and leaned in, once again pressing his lips to Isa’s.  It lasted far longer this time, and Lea was slightly flushed afterwards too.

“I said, I love you Isa.  Got it memorized?”  Isa couldn’t believe this was happening.  It was too unbelievable!  Yet, Lea was holding his hands and that look in his eyes was melting Isa’s insides.  He honestly hadn’t expected any of this…  But how could be complain?

“…I’ve already got it committed to memory.”

And to think, of all the silly things, ice cream got him there.


	10. Jealousy

Lea liked Isa.  _Liked him_ liked him.

Isa liked Lea.  _Liked him_ liked him.

But they were teenage boys afraid that the other _wouldn’t_ like him that way, or even guys in general, and their friendship would be ruined, so they didn’t say anything about their feelings for each other.

Then, one day when they were sixteen, Isa gathered up enough courage to at least find one of his answers.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you keep insisting we sneak into the castle because you like having Dilan’s hands all over you.”  He said it sarcastically, but he watched Lea’s face very carefully for any signs of disgust.  Lea laughed, but he didn’t look upset.

“Eh, he _is_ pretty hot if you like guys with so many… muscles.  Those sideburns aren’t half bad either.”

Isa didn’t know that Lea’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest, waiting for his friend to make a comment on him finding a guy hot.  Isa didn’t of course.  …Mostly because he was fighting off an oncoming wave of jealousy.  So Lea thought Dilan was attractive…  Isa had to agree, but he had no interest in the guard.  But as he saw it, Lea _did_.

“Mmm, well, I personally think Braig is more physically appealing.  Even with the scar and eye patch, he hasn’t lost his looks.”

Isa, naturally, found Lea to be more attractive than the two older men combined, but he couldn’t exactly say that.

Lea just found himself feeling exactly the same way Isa had moments ago.  He, however, wasn’t nearly as good at hiding his emotions, and his eyes narrowed at Isa’s words.

“That so?” Lea questioned, his voice bitter.  “Guess you’re in luck then.  I hear he’s into minors.  He’d probably show you a good time.”  Isa fought the urge to reach over and smack him in the head for being so crude.

“He’s into _Myde_ , you idiot,” he scowled.  The younger blond boy wasn’t his friend, but he was Lea’s.  Sort of.  Even if the jerk he was talking to _wasn’t_ the one he actually wanted, he wouldn’t have done that to Myde.  “Besides, I didn’t say I want anything to do with him, just that he’s physically appealing.  Which, might I remind you, is _exactly_ what you said about Dilan.”

They walked in silence for a few long minutes, no real destination in mind, both brooding.  Or perhaps pouting, but they’d never admit to that.

“…Sorry,” Lea finally whispered, when he couldn’t take the silence anymore.  “I know, I started it, but I just…  I wanted to see how you’d react if I said another guy is hot.  I’ve kinda wondered how you’d take it.”

“I…  I think I may be an idiot too,” Isa admitted, almost laughing when he saw Lea’s stunned reaction.  “I’ve wondered the exact same thing.  And, well, perhaps I was setting you up with that comment.  And _maybe_ I was trying to make you jealous…  I’m sorry too.  You’re sexier than Braig.  Myde can keep him.”

“Wait…”  Lea came to a halt, and Isa could almost see the gears spinning in his mind.  “You think…  Are you…?”  Lea being at a loss for words was rare, but a nice treat.  Isa smirked and leaned in close.

“I believe it’s safe to say that we were both trying to gauge the other’s reaction to the thought of us being gay, then trying to make each other jealous.  And it worked.  Therefore, I see no reason to keep up this charade any longer.”  He slid in hands in Lea’s, threading their fingers together and squeezing gently.  “I like you as much more than a friend, Lea.  So if you’d kindly stop gawking and kiss me, I’d very much appreciate it.”

When Lea finally snapped back to reality, he did just that.

And then they promised that they’d never ever bring up the subject of hot older men again.


	11. Kiss

It had been an entire week since Roxas and Xion had last bugged him about it.  He’d thought it was over and they had moved on…  But then it happened.  And Axel could have _killed_ Xigbar and Demyx for it.

“Axel, they were—”

“I know,” he interrupted Roxas, hoping they’d drop it, though knowing that was never going to happen.

“And Xigbar was—”

“Yes.”  He really didn’t need to be reminded of what they’d seen.  He’d seen more than enough of those two than he’d ever wanted.  And certainly more than a couple of kids needed to see.

“And on the ceiling!”

“Yes!” he finally shouted, unable to take their awed comments anymore.  “They were gonna have sex on the ceiling!  I’ll report it to Saix or something, just _stop talking about it_.”

It wasn’t that he was angry with them.  It wasn’t their fault they’d had to witness that.  Hell, he wasn’t even all that mad at Xigbar and Demyx themselves, just the situation they’d put him in.  Because now Roxas and Xion wouldn’t just be asking about kissing.  Oh no.  He knew what was coming, and he dreaded it.

“Axel…”  Xion fidgeted nervously, and Axel was tempted to open a portal right there.  “Whoever it was you kissed…  Did you…?”

He wasn’t being a coward, he told himself as he teleported the hell out of there.  There was just no way he was going to talk about his sex life with a couple of kids.  No way.

When he materialized, Saix didn’t look in the least surprised to see him suddenly show up.  Axel wasted no time shoving the papers Saix had been reading to the side and sitting on the edge of his bed to rant.

“Look, I don’t care what the others do.  They wanna get all kinky with their powers?  Fine.  But _maybe_ if Xigbar wants to screw Demyx on the ceiling, he shouldn’t do it in the Grey Area.  Especially when there are kids who can walk in on it.  And _me_.  I _really_ didn’t need to see that.”  Anyone else would have thought Saix remained perfectly impassive, but Axel knew better.  His lips quirked ever so slightly.  “Well, at least _someone_ is amused by this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He was smirking visibly now. “This is a serious breach of professionalism.  I’ll see to it that they’re punished thoroughly.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it.  Xigbar could do whatever the hell he wanted, and Saix wouldn’t even bother reporting it if Roxas and Xion were the witnesses.

“Yeah, _sure_ you will.”  He rolled his eyes when Saix merely chuckled in response.  “Maybe you won’t find it so funny when I tell you that because of this, now Roxas and Xion wanna know who I’ve slept with.”

Quite to Axel’s shock, Saix didn’t look upset at the news, merely thoughtful.  It was actually kind of terrifying.

“Perhaps you should tell them.”  Axel was sure that he’d suddenly gone crazy.  There was no way Saix _actually_ just said that.  “Or I could tell them.  Surely your _friends_ would love to know more about you.”  There he went again, spitting out the word “friends” as if it were acid.  Axel bit his tongue—they’d just gotten back on speaking terms after their last argument about the kids and Axel taking his job to make them trust him too far, and he hardly wanted to start up again already.

“How about,” he instead suggested, plucking the papers out of Saix’s hands and throwing them with the others, “we _not_ tell them, and just have some fun of our own.”

“And you’ll settle for doing it on the bed, rather than the ceiling?”  Axel laughed, then swooped in to kiss Saix.

Maybe they couldn’t be quite as creative with it, but Axel was pretty sure they could put Xigbar and Demyx to shame.


	12. Luck

Saix never wished anyone good luck with their missions.  It just wasn’t in his nature, or at least Roxas had come to conclude.  He really didn’t care about anyone other than the Superior and himself.  And that was fine, Roxas didn’t care.  It was what it was.

“Axel…  Good luck.”  Therefore, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.  Saix and Axel didn’t know he was there, lurking behind a corner.  He wasn’t spying, he swore!  He’d just been looking for Axel before he left for his mission and found them there.  So he was curious, no big deal.

“I don’t know why you always wish me luck when I don’t need it.  I lived through Castle Oblivion.  This’ll be nothing.”  Always?  Since when did Saix ever say a single nice thing to Axel?  They hated each other!  “But thanks.  I’ll be back by tomorrow night.  Meet you in your room?”

Saix’s eyes were softer than Roxas thought was possible, and he had a hint of a smile as he nodded.

“Of course.  I’ll see you then.”  He paused for a moment before saying something too quiet for Roxas to make out.  Axel chuckled at whatever it was.

“Yeah, it’s a plan.  In fact, I might just have to get this done even faster if that’s what I got waiting for me!”  Saix shook his head, but his expression was almost affectionate.  It was rather mindboggling.

“I look forward to your return then…”  Then the odd look was gone, replaced with his usual blank demeanor.  “Dismissed, VIII.”  Saix walked off, and Axel watched him until he was out of sight.  Then he turned, looking as happy as someone without a heart could, and began to walk in Roxas’s direction.

Roxas panicked, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, but his mind blanked and his feet stayed planted firmly to the castle floors until it was too late.  Axel had spotted him and walked over slowly.

“Oh, hey Roxas.  What are you doing out here?”  Axel was smiling, but his eyes had an odd glint to them.  Roxas tried not to worry—Axel was his friend after all, he wouldn’t get mad, right?—but that didn’t stop him from fidgeting at Axel’s scrutiny.

“I wanted to say goodbye before you left, and, um…”  _And I saw you and Saix being weird_ , he wanted to say.  But Axel just shook his head when he trailed off and grinned a little wider.

“Thanks Roxas!  Nice to see someone cares if I come back alive or not!  Gotta get going now though, so see you.”

And as Roxas watched him leave, he had a feeling that there _was_ someone else who cared if Axel died, even if he didn’t understand it.  He thought he’d had Saix figured out…

Adults were strange.


	13. Marks

Most members of Organization XIII didn’t dare to say anything that would upset Saix right to his face.  That count _didn’t_ include Xigbar.

“Shit, I don’t know why you’re so pissy about my report being a little late.  Judging by those hickeys you got there, I would of thought you’d be in a better mood!”

It took Saix a moment to process what Xigbar said.  Hickeys…?  Why in the world would he have love bites?  He always made sure that Axel never left a mark that his coat couldn’t hide, and—

Wait.

That morning Axel had met him in the hall and ravished him without a word.  Then he’d walked off smirking…  Saix felt his temper raise as it all made sense.  That bastard had caught him off guard and done it on purpose!  When he saw that idiot again, he was going to…  Well, he didn’t know what, but he’d think of something.  He had no end to his list of ways to punish Axel, some left over from Isa’s list of ways to torture Lea.

Saix had an audience at the moment though, so he remained as indifferent as possible, determined not to let Xigbar win.

“Your report was over a day late, II.  How do you justify that?”  The other members in the Grey Area were Xaldin, Luxord, and Demyx, and he could see the latter out of the corner of his eye waving his arms frantically, trying to get Xigbar’s attention.  It was a futile effort; Saix already knew _exactly_ why Xigbar had been late.

“I had a persistent little itch that needed scratching,” was all Xigbar said, but it was enough to make Demyx whine pitifully.  Saix wondered if Demyx knew that the _entire_ _castle_ was aware of what they did on a nightly basis.  Feeling vindictive from a mixture of Axel leaving bruises and Xigbar bringing them up, he decided to find out.

“I fail to see how that is different from any other night.  Surely, IX can keep himself occupied until you write your report.”  Demyx made another noise of embarrassment, and it was completely satisfying.  Xigbar hardly looked defeated though, which wasn’t a good sign at all.

“We’re usually in the kid’s room, so I wonder how you know that unless you’re in one of the rooms beside his…  He’s not in _your_ room, is he Luxord?”  The gambler shook his head quickly, not wanting to be dragged into it.  “Then I wonder who it could be…?”

“You’re dismissed, II.”  Saix couldn’t take one more moment of that smug, accusatory tone.  His temper was rising to dangerous levels, and he wanted to break something.  Xigbar’s smirking face seemed like a good option.  However, Xigbar didn’t move.  The other three Nobodies wisely opened dark portals and rushed out of the potential warzone.  “ _Leave_.”

“As if,” Xigbar shot back, an infuriatingly knowing look in his eye.  “Just because the others don’t see that you two are still as _close_ as the two brats that always tried to sneak into the castle doesn’t mean I don’t.  Maybe you should tell your _boyfriend_ to cool it if you want to keep it a secret.”

Saix felt a dull ache in his chest.  No one, not even themselves, had referred to them as boyfriends since they became Axel and Saix.  To hear Xigbar say it in such a mocking manner—!

In a flash, Saix was swinging Lunatic straight at Xigbar, who quickly flipped to the ceiling, laughing at the berserker’s rage.

“Pretty angry for the guy who keeps telling the rest of us we have no emotions!”

Saix readied himself to swing again, only for Xigbar to open a portal, his laughter ringing in Saix’s ears until he disappeared.  Saix was left with his anger, wishing he could cleave through the bastard.  How dare he!

“Whoa, what the hell is going on?”  He froze when Axel materialized in the room, concern on his face upon seeing the state Saix was in.  Fake concern?  Memories of Lea’s concern for Isa?  Sometimes Saix didn’t know anymore.  “Hey, Demyx came and told me something was going down in here.  You okay?”

Saix straightened himself out, his claymore disappearing.  He still wasn’t calm, but he was at least in control again.  Of course, he hadn’t forgotten that the redhead was the reason all of this had happened in the first place, but his ire was solely on Xigbar now.

“In a fashion, I suppose,” he answered, knowing Axel wouldn’t believe him if he said yes.  “It hardly matters.”  Axel stared at him for a few moments before shaking his head with a smirk.  It looked far nicer on Axel than it had on Xigbar.

“Whatever you say…”  He held out his hand for Saix, who only looked at it, bemused.  “Come on, whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll feel better after you take your frustrations out on me.  It’s kinda my fault for giving you those hickeys, right?”

“I’m not fighting you Axel.”  Axel laughed, and Saix found it to be a very welcome sound.

“I meant _sexually_.  Now hurry up so we can get to the hot, rough sex, okay?”  Saix sighed at his crass partner, but there was still a genuine smile on his face as he took Axel’s hand and they took a portal to the redhead’s bedroom.

If that was how Xigbar wanted to play it…  Maybe they’d just have to make a little noise themselves.


	14. Never

There were certain things they never said.  It wasn’t that they didn’t still feel them—or at least the best they could without hearts—but rather, it just didn’t seem appropriate to in their state.  How could they rightly say “I love you” when they were filled with such uncertainty and emptiness?

Saix knew, however, that he’d loved Lea with every bit of his being when he’d been complete.  And perhaps that meant the parts he hadn’t lost still loved Axel.  But even if it were true, he couldn’t say it.

Not now.

Not when their plans demanded that no one know they were partners.  And since Xemnas down through Zexion had known the inseparable Isa and Lea, they had to be very careful.  Perhaps not so much now that Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion had perished, but they couldn’t let their guards down.  Unfortunately, Saix found Axel to be far more distant after his return from Castle Oblivion—and much more genuine in his “friendship” that he was supposed to be faking with Roxas and the puppet.

Sometimes he didn’t care if it was true or appropriate—he just wanted to say it, to have Axel say it back, to know the man he’d once given his heart, body, and soul to cared about him more than a couple of children—!

Even if it was a lie.  He was willing to take the lie.

But he never said anything.  And as he kneeled dying, reaching out for the heart he longed for so much, that was his biggest regret.

\---

“Come on Isa, wake up…  _You can’t leave me_.”

Those were the first words that drifted into Isa’s consciousness.  He couldn’t remember much—only that everything hurt and those words made him happy.  Happy!  Yes, he felt genuine joy at that familiar voice, not some vague feeling of how he wanted to feel but weighed down by a dark emptiness.  No, this was certainly real.

Slowly, things came back to him.  He’d been struck down by the keyblade-wielder, then…  It was mostly blank, but he could hazily remember a force controlling him.  But then someone had called out to him…

Lea!  Lea had tried to reach him, and when he’d started to succeed, Xehanort had attacked.  And with every ounce power he’d had, he’d broken free and shielded Lea from the assault.  He couldn’t recall anything after that, but it was no wonder if he’d been so badly injured.

He could hear Lea now, begging him to awaken, and Isa wanted to jump up and tell him it was fine.  Everything was fine because they had their hearts back and everything could go back to the way it had once been!

…But could it?  He wasn’t sure.  They’d both done and said things that were inexcusable, hearts or not.  If he woke up, would he and Lea be happy again, or would he have to spend the rest of his life knowing that he’d lost the person most precious to him?  Was it even worth fighting?  It would be so easy to just succumb to the pain and sleep forever…

“Please Isa!  I _can’t_ lose you.  I need you…  I love you!”

At those words, he knew his answer.

He could never give up on Lea.  They’d been through too much—loved each other for too long—to stop now.  So he pushed through the darkness, waded through the pain and temptation to sleep forever, until he could feel it.  His light.  All he had to do was open his eyes, and—

“Isa!”  —and he’d see him.

“Lea.”  His voice was rough from disuse and he knew he must look and sound horrible, but Lea was smiling so brightly that he knew it didn’t matter.  If they were switched, Isa knew that he’d always find comfort in Lea, no matter what.  In fact…

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Lea whispered as he helped Isa to sit up, and then gently embraced him.  “But what are you thanking me for?  I should be saying that to you!  You saved me Isa…”  Isa smiled, enjoying the warmth Lea not only brought to his body, but to his heart.

“For always bringing me back to the light.”

It was all right if Lea didn’t understand, because they had the rest of their lives to be together, to learn and grow from their mistakes.  Even though Isa knew they still had a long road ahead of them, it didn’t matter.  Lea and Isa were back as one, and they’d never let anyone or anything tear them apart again.


	15. Over

_“Xemnas.  Is Kingdom Hearts ready?”_

_“Very soon.”_

_“Then, I can end this charade?”_

_“Indeed.”_

Saix smirked at the words.

“ _How I’ve waited to hear that.”_

After all that time, all that planning, he could finally drop the ruse of being this man’s loyal subordinate.  No longer didn’t he have to pretend that he cared what Xemnas said or did.  None of it mattered.

He opened a dark portal and left the man he loathed.  Upon exiting, he saw the keyblade bearer before him.  Sora… _Roxas_.  The reason Axel had—

It hit him at that moment.  Axel was gone.  He’d heard the news of course, but only now did it actually register.  If he succeeded…  If he killed Sora and Xemnas…  If he got his heart back…  So what?  Axel was gone. Lea was gone.  The one person he’d wanted to get his heart back for was no longer around to live for.  What did he have left?

Sora glared at him, and he knew.  Revenge.  Against Sora and Roxas for changing Axel and taking him away.  Against Xemnas for putting him in this situation to begin with!

The moon’s power filled him and fueled his rage.  He extended Lunatic and swore that for Lea’s sake, he’d win.  He’d carry out their plans, no matter what.

_“Moon shine down!”_

_\---_

“Are you thinking about that again?”  Isa glanced at Lea, before turning his gaze back out the window.

“About what?”  Lea scoffed.  He knew Isa too well to fall for that.

“Organization XIII.  Saix and Axel.  Xemnas, Xehanort.  Take your pick.”

As grateful as Isa was to have survived the battle against Xehanort and be free of his possession, it hadn’t been an easy recovery.  His body had healed well enough, but he couldn’t shake thoughts of the past.  The things he’d done, both under Xehanort’s influence and of his own free will, haunted him.  He’d had constant nightmares, and not even Lea’s warm arms and kind words had been enough to stop them.

“…A bit of all of it, I suppose.”  Lea sighed and sat next to him, putting his arm around Isa’s waist.  It was familiar and comforting, but it didn’t stop his feelings of unrest.  Lea had been incredibly quick to forgive him for everything, and even Sora and his friends tried not to look at him as if he were still Saix.  Nothing seemed to stop his feelings of guilt though, and Isa wondered how long Lea would be willing to put up with him because of it.

“Isa…  Come on, let’s get outta here and go do something fun!”  Isa didn’t answer.  Nothing seemed very fun to him right then.  “Or we could stay here and do something fun.”  Still no response.  “Or hey, we could just sit here and feel sorry for ourselves, sure.”

“I’m sorry,” Isa finally spoke up, leaning into Lea’s half embrace, relieved when Lea didn’t push him away for being difficult.  He wasn’t trying to frustrate his partner, he just…

“Hey, stop that.  You’ve got nothing to be sorry about!”  Isa frowned, shaking his head slowly.

“Of course I do—”

“No Isa, you _don’t_.”  Lea shifted to pull Isa closer, to the point he was almost in his lap.  He felt a little silly, but he had no desire to pull away.  “Not with me you don’t.  Axel did some pretty stupid stuff too, you know.  We should just call it even and start, I dunno, going back to be happy.  I think we deserve to finally get our happy ending Isa.  But not until you start to forgive yourself.”

It was probably the most profound thing he’d ever heard Lea say, and he couldn’t deny that it made some sense.  It wasn’t as easy as Lea made it seem, but…

If Lea said it was possible, Isa believed him.

“I’ll…  I’ll try.”  Lea smiled, leaning in to place a soft kiss to his lips.

“That’s all I can ask…”  They sat silently for a few moments, just looking at each other, enjoying the warmth the other provided…  Until Lea grinned.  “Unless you’re feeling better, _then_ I’ll ask if you wanna go get ice cream.”

Isa rolled his eyes, but he allowed Lea to pull him up.  That man and his ice cream…  Well, Isa didn’t particularly mind.  If it made Lea happy, then Isa was happy too.

Perhaps Isa wouldn’t get over these feelings anytime soon, but with Lea there, keeping him going, he knew one day everything really would be okay.


	16. Panic

There was a look of panic on Axel's face as he exited a dark portal into Saix's room.  Saix tried to keep his appearance blank, but he just couldn’t.  His eyebrow arched at Axel’s overblown expression, and he knew—he _knew_!—that the redhead had just done something incredibly stupid.

“What have you managed to get yourself into this time?”  Axel looked around the featureless white room, as if expecting someone to be in there with them, though Saix couldn’t even begin to imagine who.  His eyes kept glancing to the ceiling though, and Saix couldn’t help the frown that found its way to his face.  “Though the better question might be—what have you done to Xigbar this time?”

“Hey, don’t blame _me_ ,” Axel huffed, making his way to Saix’s bed and plopping down next to him, completely disregarding the reports he sat on in the process.  “ _You_ were the one who said I should get information outta him!”

Saix only stared at him for a solid minute, his mind wondering if Axel was _really_ that ridiculous.  Unfortunately, he already knew the answer to that question.

“If you are referring to our discussion yesterday when I _sarcastically_ said that perhaps you could _seduce_ information from II, I wasn’t serious.”  Axel gave him an unimpressed look, which Saix returned.  “Axel.  Tell me you didn’t—”

“Calm down ,” Axel interrupted, shaking his head at the image or what Saix must be imagining, “I didn’t _do_ anything.  I just tried what you said.  I said some things I had no intention of following through on, flirted a little…”  He trailed off, thinking about something that Saix didn’t even want to try to figure out.  He’d seen the looks Braig had given Lea—that’s was why he’d said it.  But Lea hadn’t given the older man a second look, so he hadn’t expected for Axel to listen to him and try it.  True, Saix knew Xigbar was hiding something, but he wasn’t about to send Axel to sleep with him to find out.

Saix was the only one who got to sleep with Axel, and it was damn well going to stay that way.

“And how exactly does this lead to your current state?”  He wasn’t sure he wanted to know…  But then again, if he had to attempt to brutally murder Xigbar without getting caught, he’d have to start planning as soon as possible.

“Well…  You know…  He might have thought I was serious and gotten a little grabby…  He might have said something about waiting for me in my room when I jumped the hell through a portal…”  Ah, that explained it.  Saix stood up abruptly, Lunatic materializing in his hand.  “Whoa, wait up!  You can’t do whatever the hell you’re about to do.  If Xigbar figures out our plan, he’ll tell Xemnas and there goes your second-in-command.  I’ll be fine, so let it go!”

Axel was right of course, as much as Saix hated to admit it.  He let his claymore disappear and sat back down, closer to Axel than he’d been before.

“I suppose you have a point.  However, I will have to insist that you stay here at night until the threat of attack has subsided.”  So basically until he decided to make Xigbar go on a week-long reconnaissance mission.  Which he certainly would.  But perhaps it could wait a few days…

“Oh yeah?  You gonna punish me for flirting with someone else?”  There was a teasing tone to Axel’s voice that made Saix want to do unspeakable things to the other Nobody.  Things he had every intention of doing.  Twice.

“I believe I’ll have to.  Or you may not memorize your lesson.”  Axel laughed and fell back on the bed, allowing Saix to crawl atop him.

Saix always did enjoy when Axel’s foolishness had such pleasant consequences.


	17. Quiet

When Saix wanted some peace and quiet, it was rather easy to get it.  All he had to do was send everyone on missions, and he was free.  After all, Xemnas was far too busy staring at Kingdom Hearts to come down and question him.

Today was one of those days.  Everyone was being too loud or too obnoxious and he just wanted them gone.  So one-by-one, he summoned them to the Grey Area and handed out various missions that he honestly didn’t care about.  They’d all griped, but everyone followed their orders nonetheless.  That was, until there was only one Nobody left…

“You will be going to—”

“Do I have to? Everyone else is gone you know.  You can drop the act.”  Saix fought the urge to snap that the only reason he was willing to stay with him was because Roxas and Xion were already gone.

“You have a mission, VIII.  Go do it.”  Axel looked hurt, but he knew it was a ruse.  It had to be.  Nobodies didn’t feel _hurt_.

He ignored the fact that Axel made his empty chest ache more and more those days.

“Well _someone’s_ in a bad mood.”  Of course he was.  When wasn’t he lately?  All of his carefully laid plans were being threatened, he kept feeling like there was some foreign entity invading his mind, and Axel wasn’t helping matters when it came to those children.  He just didn’t want to see anyone at the moment— _especially_ not Axel.

“Your mission, VIII _.  You are dismissed_.”

Axel frowned and opened a dark portal without another word.  When he was gone, Saix sighed and moved to one of the room’s pure white couches, flopping onto it.  He felt so tired all of a sudden…  Surely, he could close his eyes for a few minutes…

\---

When Saix awoke, it was to the oddly familiar sensation of someone running their fingers through his hair.  ‘ _Lea_ ,’ was his first thought, but rather than make assumptions and have to explain things he’d rather keep to himself, he cracked open an eye.

“Afternoon, princess.  Sleep well?”  Saix promptly closed his eye, having already had enough of Axel’s smirking face.

“How long have I been asleep for?”  Axel hummed in thought, still playing with Saix’s hair.  He didn’t stop him.

“Not long.  Not even an hour I’d guess.  I just went to were you sent me, stayed for a few minutes, got bored, and came back.  You were asleep, so I figured I’d stand guard.  You know, in case someone came back and decided to have their way with you.”

Saix doubted anyone brash enough to leave their mission prematurely would dare try to molest him in his sleep—well aside from Axel of course—but he was too tired to argue.  He supposed that Axel could submit a fake report and stay.  Especially if he was willing to be Saix’s pillow.  His _quiet_ pillow.

“…Your new mission is to remain silent and let me rest until someone else returns.  Understood?”  Axel chuckled and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Saix’s forehead.

“Gotcha…  Sleep well, _Isa_.”

Saix allowed himself a small smile and relaxed.  Even if they frequently fought, when it came down to it, he trusted Axel just as much as Isa had trusted Lea.  And as he fell back asleep, he dreamed of the day they finally had their hearts back and could truly be together again.


	18. Rational

Deep down, Lea knew he was being irrational.  He was the only one Isa had ever allowed to get close to him, and no matter how old they got, that didn’t appear as if it would ever change.  But now, watching that _girl_ go up to his best friend and confess her love…!

It pissed him off.

He knew it shouldn’t—surely, Isa was _normal_.  Isa wasn’t like him, who had never liked girls that way.  Isa never saw attractive men and found himself fantasizing.  And he was positive that Isa never did anything stupid like fall in love with his best friend and then get jealous at the very idea of said best friend getting a girlfriend.  But, well, Isa did always say that he was an idiot, and he had done all of those things. And now he was tempted to push that girl away and declare to the world that Isa was his, so _back off_.

But Isa _wasn’t_ his, so all he could do was stand off to the side and watch.

“S-so please be my boyfriend!”  Lea supposed she was cute, assuming one liked girls.  Which, he was sure, Isa did.  He braced himself for Isa’s answer.

“I apologize, but I’m already taken.”

The girl’s face fell, and for a brief moment, Lea wanted to cheer.  However, moments later it hit him.  Isa was seeing someone?  _Who_?  And why hadn’t he heard this news before?  As Isa’s best friend, he definitely should have known about this!

“…Lea, you’re scowling.”  He jumped, not having heard Isa walk over to him, but he didn’t change his expression as he pointed an accusatory finger at Isa.

“How could you get a girlfriend and not tell me?”  Isa looked confused, and Lea had a hard time staying irritated when he looked so cute.

“Did you not _just_ hear me turn her down?  I think you need to get your ears checked.”  Though Isa was joking, he appeared a little uncomfortable.  Lea’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah, I did.  I also heard you tell her you’re already dating someone!”  Isa’s green eyes widened in understanding, and he was soon chuckling.  Somehow, despite all the evidence, Lea knew he was about to say something to make him feel foolish.

“I didn’t say _that_ exactly.  I said I’m taken, and with as much effort as it takes to keep _you_ out of trouble, I was hardly lying.”  Wait, him?  Isa had been talking about _him_?  Not as a relationship thing, but it was better than he’d thought at least.  His jealousy died down, but that familiar pain of longing took its place.  If only Isa liked guys, _maybe_ he’d have a chance…  “Besides, I have no desire to ever have a girlfriend.”

“Ever?”  Lea pressed, hope filling him as he jumped at the opening. “Do you just not want to date anyone, or…?”  Though he’d literally prayed for Isa to be gay, he just couldn’t outright ask.  He wasn’t sure he could take the answer he was still sure he would get.  Luckily for him, Isa wasn’t blind.

“Oh, I can assure you there’s someone I like, and I’d love to date _him_.  I’ve been waiting for him to make a move for a while now…”  He gave Lea and expectant look, to which Lea felt his mind shut down.  No way, he had to be dreaming!  How could Isa…?  “Well Lea?”

“…Does this mean I can kiss you?”  Isa laughed and closed the gap between them, pulling Lea close until their noses were almost touching.

“If you don’t, I’ll be very disappointed.”  Well, Lea always aimed to please…

He tilted his head and leaned in until their lips met and Lea thought he might die.  He was kissing Isa!  His best friend for as long as he could remember was kissing him!  It all seemed so impossible, and yet there they were.

“Be my boyfriend?” Lea murmured when they parted, their lips still so close that they brushed together when he spoke.

“Of course.  It would be my pleasure.”

They kissed again, and again, and again.  After all, they had to make sure everyone knew that Isa was officially off the market.


	19. Subtle

Lea knew Isa better than anyone else; he didn’t doubt that in the least.  He knew all of his friend’s little subtleties.  The problem was, though he could tell when there was something wrong with Isa, no matter how obvious or restrained he was being, he didn’t always know _why_.  And there was nothing more frustrating than knowing the most important person in his life was upset, but not knowing how to fix it.

This was one of those times.

“All right, that’s the third time this week.  What do you have against Sora all of a sudden?”  Perhaps it wasn’t sudden, considering how much Saix had disliked Roxas, but Lea honestly hoped that didn’t factor into this jealous streak Isa was exhibiting lately.  Every time he spoke to Sora, Isa would insist they needed to leave, pulling him away as quickly as he could.  He didn’t mind being with Isa—of course not!—but this jealousy wasn’t good at all.  Isa, however, refused to talk about it.

“You’re imagining things.  Now, let’s go home.”  Why he certainly had no issues being alone with Isa, today was different.  If he really thought Lea was _that_ easily distracted, he had another thing coming.

“Isa, listen—”  When Isa proceeded to practically throw himself into Lea’s arms, he thought that maybe he should work on this lack of willpower thing after all, because suddenly he could think of nothing but getting home and getting Isa into bed.

\---

It was hours later, his arms around Isa holding him close, when Lea tried again.

“I know the afterglow might not be the best time to ask this, but since you’re not gonna be moving for a while…  Wanna tell me what’s going on with you lately?”  It was apparent, just by a glance at his lover’s face, that Isa still didn’t want to talk about it.  He had nowhere to hide though, and Lea was determined to get his answer.  “You know, if you’re worried about Sora because of Roxas—”

“That’s not it.”  Lea could usually tell when Isa was lying, and he seemed sincere…  Which was just more confusing.

“Then why are you so…”  He didn’t want to say _clingy_ , because he didn’t mind the closeness and never would—not to mention is would piss Isa off and he getting back his heart hadn’t rid him of the ability to go into berserk mode—but he was struggling to find the right word.  “… _protective_ of me.  And only around Sora.  What do you expect me to think?”

He remembered a time when Saix had almost cleaved him in two when he’d dared to insinuate that he’d been doing unsavory things with Xemnas.  He’d never made that mistake with Isa, but that definitely seemed like that was Isa’s line of thinking.  He honestly _hoped_ Isa didn’t think he’d cheat on him, especially with kids…

“They’re Keyblade masters,” Isa finally spoke up quietly, his gaze on Lea’s chest rather than his face.  “You fought with them, with your own Keyblade.  I wonder if Sora would be able to connect with you on a better level than I can.  Trust me, I’m not afraid of losing you as my lover and I’ve never thought you and Roxas had _that_ kind of relationship…  But as a best friend…”

Oh.  _Oh._

As children, Isa had stuck to him, afraid he’d lose Lea, who made friends easily.  Isa himself hadn’t had other friends, despite the fact everyone wanted to get to know him.  He’d gotten slightly better about it as they’d grown older, though he had still stuck to Lea even after they’d lost their hearts.  He’d thought that Isa would be more open now that they were complete again, but apparently his insecurities over what they’d done as Nobodies ran deeper than Lea had thought.  Now, how to fix it…?

“Hmm…  I think tomorrow you, me, Sora, and his friends should all get ice cream.  Cause I’m pretty sure I completely forgot to properly introduce everyone to my lover…”  He put a hand under Isa’s chin and lifted his head so they were looking into each other’s eyes.  “And my best friend, for all of time, no matter what.”

Isa still looked a bit apprehensive, but he smiled and nodded, burrowing himself deeper into Lea’s arms.

“I suppose that’s acceptable.”

And by that, Lea knew that Isa meant he was feeling much better about the situation.  Because even though Isa didn’t always say everything on his mind, and even though Lea couldn’t always tell what was wrong with him, they still knew each other better than anyone else.  That was, after all, what happened when you found your soul mate.


	20. Two

Lea didn’t really know anyone on the Restoration Committee, and he didn’t care much to change that.  But, he thought as he approached the three brunette women, he had a purpose for seeing them.  He needed their help.  True, he could always buy a new version of what he was looking for, but if they’d happened to have found the originals…  He thought Isa might appreciate that.

“Hey ladies,” he greeted with a casual wave, not actually knowing any of their names.  “Got a minute?”  The woman in the pink dress smiled kindly at him and nodded.

“Of course, Lea.”  Okay, _now_ he felt a little guilty for not paying attention when they were all introduced.  “How can we help you?”

He was, admittedly, a bit nervous.  After all, what he was looking for was something he’d never told anyone about.  He never gotten the chance.  But this was important—it was for Isa!—so he pushed aside his hesitancy and acted as casually as he could manage.  Thankfully, he was a good actor, because his stomach was doing wild flips.

“When you were fixing up the house where me and Isa live, did you find anything, um… valuable?”  Two of the women immediately looked at the shortest one, who huffed at their reaction.

“Hey, don’t look at me!  I’m sure there were lots of valuable things in that rubble!  How should I know what he’s looking for?”  True enough, he supposed.  It was time to just say it…!

“They’re rings.  Two rings, one gold and one silver.  But even if you only found one, that’d help a lot.”  The elder two smiled and gigged and he _knew_ what was coming.

“Are they engagement rings?”

“Are you going to ask Isa to marry you?”

Their excitement was contagious, and he suddenly didn’t feel self-conscious anymore.

“I was gonna ask him right before we lost our hearts.  And now that things are calming down, I wanna try again.  I mean, I can get new rings.  But if they’re still here…  I dunno, I just think they’d be best.”  He and Isa had been through a lot together, and even with all the bad times in the Organization, they were still together.  And if some hunks of metal could survive, well, didn’t that just prove the two of them could endure anything?  They were replaceable, sure, but they were _special_.

“Well, I’m afraid I’ve never seen them,” the woman in the dress replied regretfully.  “Have you Tifa?”  The other woman shook her head.

“No Aerith…  But Yuffie, you’ve been awfully quiet…  And you’re fidgeting a lot…”  Yuffie looked at the others nervously, then regarded Lea carefully.

“…Tell me more about these rings.”

“Yuffie!”  Tifa exclaimed, sounding completely exasperated.  “If you found a gold and a silver ring, _they’re his_.  Go get them and give them back.”  Yuffie didn’t budge though.  Tifa looked ready to strangle her.  Aerith just looked like this was an unsurprising event that happened multiple times a week.  He figured it probably was.

“No way, not without some proof!  Come on, tell me something that proves they’re yours!”  Lea, feeling rather generous now that he _knew_ the rings were safe, chuckled and decided to play along.

“The gold one is just plain, but the silver one is inscribed on the inside.  It says ‘ _You shine brighter than the moon_.’  Got it memorized?”

Yuffie’s reaction was immediate—her face fell at the loss of her treasures.

“Well, who wants some cheesy engagement rings anyway?”  She opened up her satchel and dug around until she pulled out a small box.  “You’re just lucky I put them someplace safe instead of letting them get even more scratched up!”

She tossed Lea the box, which he eagerly opened.  There they were!  Two simple bands, lightly scuffed but otherwise intact.  They’d probably be as good as new if he found a jeweler, but…  Maybe a few battle scars were appropriate.

“Thank you guys…  This really means a lot.”  Aerith and Tifa gave their luck and congratulations, and Yuffie didn’t hide her grin very well.

“Yeah, yeah.  But you’d better replay me with lots of wedding cake!”

A week later, Yuffie received her wedding invitation with a simple message: _Isa said you can eat the whole cake if you want.  Thanks kid._


	21. Unbearable

The silence was unbearable.

Isa had called him a variety of names over the years, most said with affection and a smile.  But Isa hadn’t been smiling when he called Lea a bastard and locked himself in their room, and Lea couldn’t blame him.  What he’d said…  He still couldn’t believe he’d done something so incredibly _stupid_.

It was his fault the argument broke out, he knew it.  He knew Isa was still recovering from Xehanort’s possession, still trying to assure himself that he was no one but himself.  He was still afraid of losing Lea to the memory of Roxas.  Lea knew that.  And yet, he’d still, in the heat of the moment, called his best friend and lover _Saix_.

He didn’t think he’d ever seen Isa look so incredibly heartbroken as the moment the name passed his lips.

Lea didn’t particularly care if people still called him Axel.  It was annoying, and it brought up memories he’d rather forget, but Axel had still been _him_.  But Saix had been different.  Saix had started out as Isa, but once Xehanort marked him, he’d begun to change, until Isa could barely be seen in him anymore.

He thought back to the argument, to Isa’s hurt expression when he confronted him.

‘ _I heard Sora speaking to his friends…  He thought it was odd we of all people are so close.  Apparently, Axel told him, before he died, that Roxas was the only one in the Organization that he liked, because he made him feel as if he had a heart.  …You really felt that way?_ ’

Lea tried to explain as gently as possible that at the point, yes.  Saix was a dick by the end.  Every single member of Organization XIII was, with the expectation of Roxas.  He’d tried to explain that it was only a friendship thing, but Isa hadn’t taken that any better.  They were, after all, best friends as well as lovers.  All the years spent together versus the year Axel had known Roxas couldn’t compare.

They yelled, they accused, things were said that neither of them honestly meant…  And then Lea had said it.

‘ _Dammit Saix, will you listen to me?_ ’

Isa’s response had been quick and painful—the look in his eyes went from angry to hurt in seconds, and Lea hadn’t had the chance to apologize before he was out of the room and locked inside the bedroom.

He didn’t know why he’d said it.  He hadn’t called Isa that in the present tense since they got their hearts back.  Even possessed, it was _Isa_.  But he’d been so upset that Isa wasn’t listening to him, and it just felt so much like an argument Axel and Saix would have—!

And now he found himself outside the locked door, pleading for Isa to let him in.  But no matter how many times he apologized, swore he hadn’t been thinking and didn’t mean it, Isa refused to answer.  Lea refused to move until he got his answer though.  He was going to set things right, no matter what.

“I know you don’t want to listen to me right now, and I don’t blame you…  But there’s something I’ve never told anyone about Roxas.  The way I felt about him…”  He laughed, but it sounded hollow.  “You’re gonna think this is stupid, but I thought he was more like, I dunno, my brother or something.  I cared about him, but not the same way I did for you.  I just wanted to protect him, and I failed miserably.  But what did I expect?  I couldn’t protect you from losing your heart or getting possessed.  I can’t even manage to _not_ upset you.  I’m such a—”

Lea was abruptly interrupted when the sound of a lock clicking met his ears.  He quickly stepped away from the door just in time for it to open.  Isa was still frowning and his eyes were full of uncertainty, but Lea was relieved just to see him.

“You’re an idiot, I know.  I signed the waver years ago when we started dating.” Lea couldn’t help his grin—if Isa was making jokes, he wasn’t as angry.  Isa forgave him.  Things would be okay.  “But I swear, if you _ever_ call me Saix again when you’re angry…”  He didn’t finish his threat.  He didn’t have to, because Lea knew very well how good he was at making creative punishments.

“I won’t,” he promised, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Isa, who returned the hug readily.

Maybe things still weren’t perfect, but Lea swore he would never hurt Isa like that again.  And this was one promise he was determined to keep, no matter what.


	22. Vulnerable

There weren’t many things that Saix was vulnerable to.  He could shrug off many elements and physical attacks, especially in his berserker state.  But there was one simple thing that always seemed to be his downfall…

“Come on Saix, please?”

…Axel.

“I said no, Axel.  Despite what you seem to think, that doesn’t mean _maybe_ , it means _no_.”  Axel was quiet for but a few seconds before he shook his head with a laugh.

“Then what do I have to do to change your answer to a yes?”  Typical Axel, always assuming he could change his mind with a crooked grin and a sultry look.  As Lea, he’d been the same, and as much as Saix hated to admit it, Isa had always given in.  Lea had been Isa’s weakness, and it seemed that some things never changed, no matter how hard Saix always tried.

Not this time though.  This time Axel was simply asking for too much and Saix was putting his foot down.

“There isn’t.  We’ve already been through this.  My answer is, always has been, and always will be _no_.  So get that ridiculous idea out of that tiny brain of yours and—”

Axel wasn’t one to accept defeat, and he played dirty, so Saix wasn’t too surprised when the redhead was suddenly pinning him to the wall, hands roaming and lips pressing kisses to any bit of skin he could get.

“Please, _Isa_ ,” he murmured between kisses.  “I swear it’ll be fun.  No one will catch us, so just loosen up and let me show you a good time, huh?”

Saix felt his resolve slipping away with every touch.  Axel really did always get his way…  But maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Besides, what Xemnas didn’t know about what happened on his chair wouldn’t hurt him.


	23. Winter

Axel hated when he was sent to worlds with wintery weather.  Vexen had power over ice; _he_ should be doing this.  The Flurry of the Dancing Flames?  Not so much.  It was cold, it was slippery, and he had to be very careful not to melt the snow too much and cause an avalanche.

In short, it sucked.

Normally, he didn’t get sent to these kinds of worlds.  Saix wasn’t stupid—he knew which powers were advantageous where—but he _was_ vindictive.  Axel didn’t think it was very fair that _he_ was getting punished for something _Xigbar_ did, but Saix hadn’t wanted to listen.  Though, Axel supposed he understood why at least.  If he’d walked into the Grey Area and found Xigbar molesting Saix on one of the couches, he’d probably be pissed off too.

But he’d just been napping!  He hadn’t even realized what was happening until it was too late!  Saix had come in just as he was waking up and figuring out that he _wasn’t_ in his room, and this _wasn’t_ Saix on top of him.  Saix hadn’t said a thing about it—he couldn’t when they had to keep their partnership a secret—he’d simply told Axel he had to go do a mission right away, no delays.

The only justice was that as he was leaving, he’d heard Saix sending Xigbar to Atlantica.  Xigbar _hated_ Atlantica.  Axel hoped he _drowned_.

“Of course,” he muttered to himself as he trudged through the snow, “if I freeze to death before I get back, I’ll never know.  Guess I better live, cause I can’t miss _that_.”

He, of course, had no plans to even come close to dying out there.  Screw the mission, screw the plan, screw Saix.  He was only here because Xigbar was a pervert and Saix was jealous and if there was any real danger, he was getting the hell out of there.  Especially since he wasn’t even sure where he was or what he was supposed to do.  He doubted Saix had actually sent him there for any reason other than to get him away.  So why put forth any effort?

That thought in mind, he sat down on a nearby overturned log, shivering lightly.  Stupid snow, stupid ice, stupid wind!  He had half a mind to just leave right then and make up a report, whether Saix had calmed down or not.  He didn’t sense any heartless anyway, so why was he still there…?

“You aren’t even here and I’m still thinking about you for some reason.  I didn’t even do anything!  Jeez…”

It wasn’t his fault…  And yet he still didn’t want to upset Saix.  He still felt that vague sense of guilt in his empty chest…  Perhaps he couldn’t really feel any of these things, but he knew if Lea had upset Isa that way, he’d have been on his knees groveling for forgiveness.  Maybe things hadn’t changed as much between them as he thought they had.

“…What are you doing?”

Axel jumped at the familiar voice, jumping to his feet… and promptly sliding on the ice.  He yelped as he began to fall, but he was caught by two strong arms before he hit the snow.

“Saix!”  The other man rolled his golden eyes, not letting go even when Axel was safely on his feet.  Axel didn’t push him away.  “What are you—?”

“I realize,” Saix cut him off, the tiniest hint of regret in his tone, “that you had nothing to do with that display.  However, if I had punished him and not you as well, Xigbar would have been suspicious.  I don’t trust him, as you know.  …Though I didn’t expect you to actually stay here.  I thought you’d be back the moment you thought he’d left.”

Axel just barely managed to not groan in frustration.  And here he was trying to be thoughtful, and Saix hadn’t been angry at him at all!  …Well, he couldn’t be too upset.  Saix did have faith in him after all, and he guessed that was what counted.

“…Let’s just go back now, huh?  I’m freezing!”  Saix smirked and drew Axel in closer, summoning a dark portal for their return.

“I’ll just have to warm you up then, won’t I?”

Axel still hated winter weather, but if Saix was there to fix it in the end, well, perhaps he could put up with it.


	24. X-Rated

Normally, when they hung out at one of their houses, it was Lea’s.  Their parents were both usually out of the house, but Isa’s parents didn’t exactly think the redhead was a good influence on their child, and frowned upon seeing him too often.  But Lea’s parents adored Isa, to the point Lea joked about how they’d love to switch kids if they got the chance.

So instead of potentially dealing with Isa’s family, they just went straight to Lea’s home.  Unless, of course, they couldn’t.  Because, say, the pipes had burst and they had to stay with relatives outside of their town.  Seeing as that was the case, Lea begged his parents to let him stay with Isa, which they of course allowed.  Isa’s parents would have said no…  If they weren’t away on business.  But they were, and Isa let him stay, with none of the adults knowing it was going to be just the two teenage boys alone for several days.

And now, after a day of them lazing around and causing trouble and eating way too much ice cream, Lea found himself alone in Isa’s room, waiting for his friend to get out of the shower.  Of course, the thought of Isa, naked and wet, was horribly distracting.  Lea looked around the familiar room for something to keep himself occupied, when an idea hit him.

He’d known he was in love with Isa for a few years, but he hadn’t said anything, not wanting to ruin their friendship if Isa didn’t feel the same.  Was he even into guys?  Lea didn’t know, and he couldn’t get the nerve to ask.  But Isa was out…  And he was a teenage boy…

Lea sprang to his feet, frantically beginning his search for Isa’s porn stash.  He had to have one!  Lea looked under his bed—where he kept his own, a hodgepodge of half naked men he’d cut from his mother’s magazines, the closest he could get to real porn—but there was nothing out of the ordinary.  Next he tried under the mattress, then in his dresser drawers, then in the closet…  Luckily Isa’s room was clean and orderly, so he was able to move from spot to spot, but there was still nothing.

He was running out of time, but he wasn’t defeated yet.  He scanned the room, looking for any place Isa could hide pictures or magazines.  Then he saw it—Isa’s desk.  He hadn’t even considered it, because Isa kept it locked up, but that made it all the more obvious.  If only he had the key…

He noticed Isa’s dirty clothes sitting on the floor and dived.  A small silver key was retrieved from one of his pockets, and Lea grinned triumphantly as he ran back to the desk and unlocked his prize.  The drawer slid open, reveling its secrets… and Lea felt his face flush.

The magazine cover he was greeted with was a naked redhead, his limbs arranged so he was strategically covering his genitals.  Lea gingerly picked it up and skimmed through it, only to find it was nothing but redheads, redheads, and more redheads.  All male, mostly naked, some engaging in sexual activities with other men.  He didn’t see a single women.

Underneath was another magazine comprising of different men, but they were all still redheads.  And beneath that was one last magazine, much the same as the other two.  Isa obviously had a preference, if these were any indication.  He liked men with red hair.

He could have cried with joy.  Isa liked guys like _him_.  There was hope!

“Lea, just what do you think you’re doing?”  Lea dropped the magazines, his head snapping up at the sound of Isa’s voice.  His surprise was quickly replaced with a wave of desire.  Isa was dripping wet, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.  He was so incredibly _sexy_ …!

Plus, he was into redheads.  And they were alone.  The courage Lea had been trying to muster to confess to Isa suddenly came to him, and he picked up one of the magazines and waved it around, grinning coyly.

“I _think_ I’m going through your porn stash.  You know, these guys look pretty familiar…”  Isa was completely flushed, and if Lea’s eyesight wasn’t failing him, was the towel getting a little tented…?  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had these because you got off thinking of me!”

“Idiot,” Isa muttered, shifting nervously.  “You shouldn’t have needed to find my porn to know that.  If you’d just figured it out, I wouldn’t even need them and—”

He was cut off as Lea swiftly closed the distance between them, pulling Isa into a searing kiss.  Caught off guard, Isa’s towel slipped to the floor…

Lea’s clothes would soon be joining it.

\---

“You could have told me.”  Lea’s words were calm, much like he was.  Beside him, Isa was curled up at his side, smiling contently.

“I suppose,” he agreed, one of his hands tracing random patterns on Lea’s bare chest.  “Having you all this time _would_ have been more satisfying.”

It was hard to imagine that Isa had been as afraid to confess as he had been, but it didn’t matter anymore.  They knew how they felt about each other, and their new relationship was already off to a _very_ pleasant start.

And best of all, Isa couldn’t even be mad about him snooping.  It was a good day indeed.


	25. Yes

The wait was agonizing.  He’d planned the entire day, and so far everything had gone perfectly.  But wasn’t that the problem?  Weren’t these kinds of days supposed to be horrible so that the payoff was even better?  He couldn’t help but think his good luck so far meant something terrible was going to happen.  He hadn’t even worried about Isa saying no yet, but now…

He guessed this was what getting cold feet felt like.

“Lea, are you alright?”  The redhead nodded, trying not to show how nervous he was.

“Yeah, I’m great Isa, never better!”

They were currently at their house, having just finished eaten.  It was almost time for his plan, and despite the wild butterflies in his stomach, he didn’t intend to back out now.  He _was_ going to ask Isa to marry him, and nothing was going to stop him.  Especially not his own nerves.  Right now he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity…

Isa didn’t look entirely convinced, but he dropped the subject and gazed out the open window.

“The moon is full tonight,” he observed casually.  Though the moon was still able to awaken his berserker state, he had better control over it now that he was fully complete again.  It gave Lea an excellent idea—Isa had always loved the moon, so…

“Wanna go stargazing for a while?”  Isa nodded with a smile, and together they stepped outside onto their small porch where there was a small bench, which they sat upon side-by-side.  They were the only two out that night, giving them a peaceful atmosphere to enjoy together.  Isa stared up at the moon; Lea stared at Isa, bathed in moonlight.  He adored this man so much…

A strong wave of love washed over him.  Even with all they’d been through, losing their hearts and the battle to become complete again…  They’d gotten back together, stronger than ever.  He had no doubts that Isa would accept his proposal, and couldn’t even recall why he’d ever thought it to be a possibility that he wouldn’t.  With that boost of confidence, he abruptly stood and dropped down to one knee before Isa.

“Isa, we’ve gone through a lot together, and since we were little kids right through today, you’ve been with me.  Even without our hearts, I still loved you, and I always will.  I want you to be with me forever, so will you…”

He trailed off as he reached into his pocket and felt nothing.  Trying to remain calm, he tried his other pocket…  Still nothing.  Frantically, he patted himself down, then glanced down to see if the box had fallen out.  No, it wasn’t on him or on the ground.  Just great!  Here he was proposing, and the rings he spent so much time and effort getting back were missing.  He’d known something would go wrong, he’s _known_!

“Shit, Isa, I-I’m so sorry, I don’t know… Dammit, _where are they_?”  Isa watched him, amusement in his eyes and a small smirk on his lips.

“Lea…”  He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a familiar little box.  “Are you perhaps looking for this?”  Lea’s face radiated relief, and he gratefully took it back.

“Where…?”  Isa chuckled, looking down at him fondly.

“You dropped this a few hours ago.  I didn’t want to ruin all of your plans, so I just kept it.  Don’t worry, I didn’t look inside.  You can still surprise me.”

“Then…”  Lea popped the box open, the worn yet still shining bands illuminated by the moon’s beams.  “Isa, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” was all Isa could say, his voice thick with emotion as Lea pulled them out and placed the silver one on his left ring finger.

“You wanna do the honors?”  Isa nodded and accepted the golden ring, gently sliding it onto Lea’s own finger.  Then he looked at his hand, a sincere smile on his face.

“How long…?”  Lea knew exactly what he meant, and smiled sadly.

“Since before we lost our hearts.  I planned to ask you just days after we were attacked.”  Isa’s smile mirrored his own now, but they both knew that in the end, it was best that this was happening after everything with Xehanort was behind them.  “But come on, let’s not worry about that.  We’re getting married Isa!  We need to celebrate!”

They both rose and hugged, feeling enough love to make up for all the years they lacked hearts.  They were going to be together forever, and there was nothing left that could stop them.

“Shall we move to the bedroom to begin the celebration?”  Isa’s tantalizing whispers filled Lea with other lovely emotions, and for several hours, they proceeded to get a head start on their honeymoon.


	26. Zero

Their parents thought that their relationship made zero sense.  Lea was an outgoing troublemaker who made friends easily, and yet he was glued to the hip with Isa, who was a good student and far more introverted.  But Lea was Isa’s only friend, and that was the way he liked it.

Isa’s parents wished that their son had never met Lea.  Lea’s parents kept hoping Isa would rub off on their own son.

At sixteen, they came out to their parents together.  They flipped a coin to see who they’d tell first, with Isa winning.  It had ended up with Lea yelling, Isa almost having a nervous breakdown, and threats that if they insisted on such foolishness, perhaps they didn’t _have_ a son.

Lea’s parents didn’t seem surprised at all and invited him to stay the night while his parents cooled down.  They already considered Isa like their own son, so why should they be upset?  Isa had gratefully stayed, but his parents weren’t willing to speak with him the next day, or the day after that.  Isa barely stayed home the last two years of high school, and his parents never did end up visiting him when he and Lea go their own place.

When the accident at the castle brought the Heartless to their world, they died without having spoken to Isa in over a year.

Isa lost his heart without sparing a thought for them.

\---

Saix had no trouble getting the information he required, having just been appointed Xemnas’s second-in-command.  No one except Xigbar or Xemnas himself would even care why Saix wanted to know what had happened to his home world, and they were too preoccupied with other matter to care what he was doing.

“Did you find out?”

Sometimes having such ready access to information had its drawbacks.

“…There’s a zero percent chance that they survived the attack.”

Axel hadn’t cried—he had no heart to cry with after all.  But the knowledge that his parent had died was still painful.  Saix understood; they’d been better parents to him than his own had been.

He held Axel that night, and they never spoke of their fallen families again.

\---

“Hey Isa…  If they were still alive, what do you think they’d say to us?”

There were no bodies, but they’d placed gravestones regardless, as an overdue sign of respect.  Lea had convinced him to put up markers for his own parents as well, though Isa was still resentful enough to do so very reluctantly.  He didn’t seem able to say no to Lea though, no matter what his lover wanted.  Especially not now that they were alive and complete, against all odds.

“I think they would tell us that we have a lot to make up for, then buy us ice cream and tell us everything will be alright.”

Lea laughed, reaching out for Isa’s hand and squeezing it comfortingly.

“Yeah, that sounds right…”

He didn’t ask about Isa’s family.  They both knew the answer—they’d say that they were abominations and wonder why they were still together.  That thought in mind, Isa glanced at the small stones mere feet away from the ones belonging to Lea’s parents and smiled bitterly.  They never understood…

He loved Lea, Lea loved him, and no matter what happened, there was absolutely no way that would ever cease to be true.


End file.
